This weekend was life changing for me.
I grew up with abuse in my life on many levels. Sometimes it was subtle other times it was physical. The rest of the world only saw the good deeds my parents did but behind closed doors there was alcohol abuse, inappropriate innuendo toward and about women, a passive father figure and a strong abusive matriarchal influence in the home.
As the middle child, I was the scapegoat. Often in these types of family systems, particularly when there is a narcissistic parent, there is also a golden child. Thus was the case in my family. As I grew up under the oppressive nature in the home, I was ever insecure and over compensated on many levels in different ways in my life. I became involved with drugs and alcohol and was very promiscuous.
I came to faith when I was 29 years old and I was radically transformed. God removed addiction immediately from my life and my whole life was Him. I was and am in LOVE with JESUS!!!
Because of the abuse, I have done much inner healing and counselling and God has transformed me. From Glory to Glory He continues to reveal His nature to me.
An area I have struggled in on my 23 year journey in faith has been in the area of rejection and insecurity. As of late, it has been the area I have felt Holy Spirit putting his finger on this last 2 years. He wants me Free.
When Ken Grenfell came to minister to us at Revolution Church for the Freedom Weekend, I was there to serve leading the Worship. I came expectant, longing to see God move in others and if at all possible in my own life. During the ministry portion on the weekend I had honestly felt that there was not going to be anything I needed ministry for ( silly I know) but I felt that I had done a lot of my own inner work and was not wanting to take away from what others there attending, may have needed.
As Ken began to list the things we may have felt leading up to the weekend that would be indicators that we may need deliverance for, I didn’t think that there was anything for me, and then God dropped the words “rejection and Insecurity” into my mind and I began to feel compelled to repent and ask for forgiveness for bitterness toward my mother (my abuser) and my sister, the two women in my life who I longed for affirmation from but never seemed to get. As I finished talking to God in my heart, Ken said “ if you are sensing the LORD moving in you and talking to you specifically about the word ‘“rejection”’ I want you to stand up.” Immediately I stood up. I had my eyes closed so I’m not sure how many other people stood, but Ken began to move toward me and began praying for deliverance. He spoke precisely to the issue within me. Saying things like “no more cowering, its ok, come out from the corner” and immediately I was taken to multiple memories of being bullied, abused and cornered and so fearful, from the youngest memory. He then began to prophesy over me things that I have heard the Lord speak to me regarding my identity and who I am in Him, how I am known in heaven and my calling and anointing. At the end Ken had me look at his face and I knew I was seeing Jesus. It was Ken, but it was Jesus, and I know that I know that I know that I am free from the spirit of rejection and low self worth that was on me. I am claiming for my daughters as well. Praise the LORD!